Not Safe For Work

Some celebrities are famous the world over, have a legion of fans that follow their every move religiously, and an empire of merchandise advertising themselves. But that doesn’t mean these characters are any more compelling than the empty lunchboxes their faces are plastered all over. The Jonas Brothers, who’ve uttered about three words all year (they may have said more — but they’ve been drowned out by their shrieking fans) have about as much charisma as their live action figures, which is also true of fellow Disney factory product Selena Gomez. Gomez almost got interesting this year when Miley Cyrus mocked her milquetoast web videos, but that fire was quickly doused by Disney press releases. Jessica Alba scowled through ‘08, putting out two cinematic bombs and a baby, and only occasionally breaking into a smile. As for former O.C. star Rachel Bilson, it seems that even she bored of her wooden on-screen performances, and has started a fashion line with DKNY.

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Check out photos of the nominees and vote now in all 12 of our distinguished categories.

• Sexiest of ‘08
• Curviest of ‘08
• Fugliest of ‘08
• Cutest Kid of ‘08
• Douchiest of ‘08
• Funniest of ‘08
• Best Wang of ‘08
• Sluttiest of ‘08
• Wasted Brit of ‘08
• Sneakiest Wedding of ‘08
• Freshest of ‘08

It’s like Mean Girls, but the home-schooled, scary Disney version. Folks, you can take your daughters out of school and deprive them of normal socialization as they train to be better soldiers for the Army of Disney, but honestly, the above clip is the best evidence I’ve seen against making your obnoxious offspring the breadwinners in the family.

In the clip, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato (both seen as heirs to the Cyrus crown) put together a video, similar to ones that Miley Cyrus and her best friend Mandy have filmed. Apparently Miley didn’t think it was up to snuff, so she responded with her own mocking video, essentially picking on the girls for their clothing and the gap Lovato had in her teeth. Tsk, tsk, Miles. Not very Christian of you. And also not very smart: those two have an arsenal of material against you, fromyour preference for lime-green lingerie to national magazine photo shoots in which you acted inappropriately.