Not Safe For Work

Kim Kardashian’s sex tape shows she’s into some crazy stuff, but getting peed on is pretty wild, even for her! The reality star stopped by her pal Ashton Kutcher’s company Katalyst, while they were filming, and ended up with a little more than she bargained for. “They had this little monkey that the magician, Dynamo, made appear,” Kim blogs. “I thought he was really cute at first, but then he peed on me!” Please, Kim, we know that’s not the first time you’ve said that!

Despite the pee-pee mishap, Kim didn’t let getting messy keep her from having a good time. “Ashton said the monkey had pooped on him, so I didn’t feel too bad, haha,” she said. We can always count on Kim to get down and dirty and keep on smiling!

After watching Jennifer Aniston sing “Yellow Submarine,” Ashton Kutcher and  Demi Moore were having a grand old time at the “24 Hour Plays” premiere in New York City on Monday night when an obnoxious guest ruffled Ashton’s feathers. “Demi and Jennifer Aniston were happily sitting together in the VIP when this guy starting really obviously making fun of Demi and things like her relationship with a younger man,” an insider said. “It went on for quite a while. Ashton heard it and approached him. At first he thought the guy wasn’t serious and was like ‘what the?’ He then realized he was serious. Ashton lost it.”

A massive verbal fight reportedly followed, and Demi looked very embarrassed. “It got pretty heated, nobody knew what to do,” the source said. Drama! [Source: FoxNews.com; Photo: Getty Images]

While Demi Moore’s dress at last night’s Gentlemen’s Ball in NY may be one of the worst we’ve ever seen, we don’t want to just assume the black smears are meant to make her wrinkly, ribbon-festooned dress more exciting. For instance, maybe she had a pen mishap while signing autographs. Or maybe it was raining outside and the straps weren’t colorfast. Maybe Ashton wanted to prove his gentlemen status by not sweating that Demi looks like the insides of a copy room recycling bin—you know Penn Badgley wouldn’t be able keep a straight face. Get ink on your eyes in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

We love Mad Men very, very much - and especially January Jones as Betty Draper, whose quiet, devastating portrayal is one of the show’s most brilliant assets. (Of course, January also has some incredible physical assets, which she is also showing off on the cover of GQ magazine, above).  So we were surprised to hear that her ex-boyfriend, Ashton Kutcher, had tried to dissuade her in a pretty undermining fashion.

“He was like, I don’t think you’re going to be good at this. So - f*** you! He only has nice things to say now-if anything, I should thank him. Because the minute you tell me I can’t do something, that’s when I’m most motivated,” she said.

Yes, and remember success is the best revenge, too. And in the great annals of TV shows, January’s Mad Men vs. Great Thespian Ashton’s: That 70’s Show - well, we think we know which one would be considered “good.” [Photos: GQ, WireImage]

With frightening speed, Mischa Barton’s much-heralded comeback TV show, “The Beautiful Life,” has been canned. The fashion show, which was produced by Ashton Kutcher, lasted just two episodes before the CW pulled the plug - less than two weeks after a glamorous launch party celebrated the negatively reviewed drama.

Mischa cut short a stay in rehab this summer to continue filming what was hoped to be her comeback series, after years of not-quite-there projects and worrying behavior. The actress was spotted out in SoHo wearing scruffy clothes and smeary lipstick after the news broke, so let’s hope this latest setback doesn’t cause her to fall back into old habits. [Photo: FilmMagic]

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Twitter-happy Ashton Kutcher may have gotten a little too camera-happy at a Hollywood film studio this week. “I got in trouble twice today, man. I’ve got a camera and I post stuff on the internet with my camera just like any other Joe posts on the internet with his camera,” Ashton said.

“I went on a studio lot today with a camera and they were like, ‘You can’t shoot here’ and I was like, ‘What are you talking about? I’m just shooting. There is a fan bus going right now shooting on the lot and they are shooting all kinds and they are going to post those on Facebook. I’m just doing the same thing they are doing!’ They don’t think I am doing the same thing but I am doing the same thing!” Ashton insists.

Well, not “every other Joe” has a smoking hot movie star wife whose butt they post photos of on Twitter. [Source: FoxNews.com; Photo: Getty Images]

It’s the oldest, cheesiest line in the book — usually delivered by guys trying to suck up to your parents before they break your heart. But in this case it’s actually true. By waiting for her daughter to reach the age of 20, and traveling back in years herself via the medium of surgery and just plain spookiness, Demi Moore has finally achieved the exact visual age of Rumer and they totally resemble sisters.

The mother/daughter duo were at the premiere of Ashton Kutcher’s movie Spread, and as if the age-melding thing wasn’t difficult enough for Rumer, her mom and stepdad then proceeded to yuck it up for the cameras. Hey, we love the Twitter-happy couple, but secretly thank god they’re not our parents. [Photo: Getty Images]

Ashton Kutcher has more than 2.8 million Twitter followers. The New York Times, by comparison, has a daily circulation of just over a million. Sad. So when Ashton wants to draw attention to something, like, say, his wife’s ass, his tweets can have more impact than a headline in a national newspaper.

For Ashton’s latest media sensation, he posted a picture of wife Demi Moore sporting a Mohawk to his Twitter account and wrote: “Wifey just got a new hair cut, what do you guys think? I love it.” Playing along despite the fact that the picture was just a digital manipulation, Demi responded: “I have the buzzer ready baby.” America, you got punk’d.

Like anyone, celebrities are not immune to anger or rage. Maybe it’s the relentless paparazzi or annoying fans. Or maybe it’s just life in general that’s gettin’ their goats.  Regardless, sometimes the best way to vent is to proudly display the good ‘ol middle digit.  Check out Ashton Kutcher, Fergie, Suri Cruise (!), Samantha Ronson, Courtney Love (repeat offender) and 50 other stars flipping the infamous bird.

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Madonna and Guy Ritchie have recently rekindled their friendship despite having divorced on rough terms in late 2008, and Madge’s young lovah, Jesus Luz, isn’t happy about it. The 22-year-old underwear model is feeling a little insecure these days, what with Guy coming to Madonna’s home for a party and lending support to her after her adoption of little Mercy James. Ritchie and Madonna also share custody of sons Rocco and David Banda.

A source told The London Paper: “It’s uncomfortable for Jesus having to be around Guy so much and very hypocritical — Madonna has banned Jesus from speaking to any of his ex-girlfriends.” Sounds harsh. Maybe the three of them could take a cue from Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and Bruce Willis — those guys seem to have figured this dynamic out with no problem. [Photo: Getty Images]