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Valentine’s Day has passed and while we hope all our readers got plenty of smooches from their loved ones, we’re going to ask that you keep any photographic evidence private. Paris Hilton, Speidi, Jon Gosselin, and Snooki of “Jersey Shore” have all been captured mid-makeout and trust us - it’s not cute. Roaming eyes, waving tongues, and off-target chin kisses cannot escape the snap of a lens. Allow these ten repulsive shots of celebrities sucking face to demonstrate the downside of PDA while paparazzi is present. [Photos: Getty Images and Splash News Online]

Of course she does.

Heidi Montag must look at her last Playboy cover and totally cringe. After all, the photo was taken long before her 10 plastic surgery procedures, so she must think it’s quite ugly. Now she wants to pose for Playboy again, with her new body. Keep making your mom proud, Heidi.

Read the full story at LimeLife.

Since we can’t celebrate peace or prosperity while we’re at war and our economy is in the dumps, we’re ringing in the new year with the next best thing: celebrity bikini pics! Our gallery is ordered from one to 100, with one being the hottest. We tried sticking mostly to candid photos, but bent the rules a few times — especially for Miranda Kerr (her Victoria’s Secret shots are just too hot!).

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1. Miranda Kerr (More Miranda Kerr bikini pictures)
2. Ashley Dupre
3. Annalyne McCord and sis (More Annalyne McCord bikini pictures)
4. Kim Kardashian (More Kim Kardashian bikini pictures)
5. Caroline Vreeland
6. Carrie Underwood (More Carrie Underwood bikini pictures)
7. Bar Refaeli (More Bar Refaeli bikini pictures)
8. Adrianne Curry
9. Sienna Miller (More Sienna Miller bikini pictures)
10. Eva Mendes (More Eva Mendes bikini pictures)
11. Holly Madison (More Holly Madison bikini pictures)
12. Rosario Dawson
13. Elin Nordegren
14. Katy Perry
15. Sophie Monk
16. Coco (More Coco bikini pictures)
17. Coco
18. Alessandra Ambrosio (More Alessandra Ambrosio bikini pictures here and also here)
19. Miranda Kerr
20. Vanessa Hudgens
21. Amber Rose
22. Nicole Scherzinger (More Nicole Scherzinger bikini pictures)
23. Jessica Alba
24. Rihanna (More Rihanna bikini pictures)
25. Nicole Richie (More Nicole Richie bikini pictures)

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In 2009, a lot of ordinary people became famous for next-to-nothing, previously A-list stars fell from grace, and quasi-celebs made outlandish statements for publicity. From the Balloon Boy stunt to Glenn Beck’s fear-mongering to Tiger Woods‘ mistresses coming out of the woodwork; some people really tested our patience and wore us thin. Here are the top nine “celebrity” losers we hope go into hiding for 2010.

9. Balloon Boy’s Dad: Think little Falcon Henne had any idea about his fame-guzzlin’ father’s publicity plot while he was chillin’ in a box in their attic? We doubt it, and the little guy’s televised bodily functions pretty well summed up how we felt about the whole stunt after we wasted hours of our lives watching an empty weather balloon float above Colorado.

8. Carrie Prejean: The dethroned Miss USA contestant first ignited a media firestorm with her statement against marriage equality during the Miss USA pageant. Her controversial proclamation was just the tip of the iceberg, as a flurry of nude photos and sex tapes followed over the next several months, as well as an exceptionally awkward appearance on “Larry King Live.”

Seven more losers after the jump.

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We really shouldn’t be surprised at anything that comes out of Heidi Montag’s mouth - after all, she thinks Spencer Pratt is a hot, marriageable catch. But what is news to us, is that her Playboy spread was in fact part of Heidi’s own self-mythologizing plans.

“I wasn’t nervous [about the shoot] because I’d got my body and mind into shape for it. My aim is to become an iconic sex symbol, and the Playboy shoot is the first step,” she told Closer magazine.

Sorry - our mistake, Heidi. We didn’t know you were joining the hallowed ranks of Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot! Thanks for letting us know. We only anticipate (with horrified head-in-hands mode) what your next “iconic” step will be. And we can’t remember any of these legendary ladies promising to get “triple X” boobs for their husbands. Or pole dancing for the cameras. [Photo: WireImage]

Spencer Pratt may be getting less attractive by the minute, threatening to divorce new wife Heidi Pratt and cooking up schemes to legally change his name to “King Spencer Pratt,” but his sister Stephanie Pratt clearly got the hottie genes in the family, which she showed off while prancing around on the beach in Malibu while filming scenes for The Hills. Hills co-stars Kristin Cavallari and Lo Bosworth also got in on the beach action, splish-splashing in the Pacific Ocean and kayaking. [Photos: Splash News Online]

Spencer Pratt really, really does not want a baby. In fact, Spencer is so against wife Heidi Pratt’s wishes to procreate that he is even threatening to divorce his wife of four months if she gets pregnant.

“He said, ‘That’s the quickest way to divorce. I said, ‘No sucker-you’ll be locked in. What do you mean?’” Heidi says.

“I’m a baby. I’m not prepared,” says Spencer. “And I’m not sure the world wants a Spencer Pratt spawn.” Well, he’s probably right about that one.

Spencer claims Heidi doesn’t know what she’s saying when she talks about getting knocked up and says his wife is talking about having a baby with the same attitude as  “going to buy a new pair of Louis Vuittons.”

“If she get’s pregnant,” Spencer says,”I told her there’s a divorce or adoption. If she’s not down with the adoption, I think it’s divorce.” [Source: Us magazine; Photo: Getty Images]

As if they weren’t already crazy enough, Speidi now apparently thinks they are channeling the spirit of the late Michael Jackson. WTF? In a new interview, Spencer Pratt tells MTV’s The After Show that wife Heidi Pratt is the “new, modern day, 2010 Michael Jackson. Like Michael Jackson’s in heaven. The holy spirit now has Michael Jackson juice, so boom! For all we know, Heidi gets possessed with Michael Jackson’s divine spirit.” Watch the video and see for yourself. Yes, he really said that.

We had been gearing up for Heidi Montag’s live performance at the Miss Universe pageant because we’ve never seen her sing live and, well, when you close your eyes and imagine such a thing, usually a train wreck comes to mind. So when the real thing finally happened we were not let down, but in a way it felt familiar. . .like we had seen it before and then we realized: Montag performed a lackluster dance number to her song “Body Language” in a flesh-tone and sequin outfit that felt a little Britney Spears circa the VMA’s from 2000. We’re talking right down to the striptease portion where she undresses out of discreet black suiting and into revealing underthings.

Funny enough, producers were counting on a crappy performance from Montag. An insider at the pageant said they were counting on her to create buzz, but not really in a good way. “Everyone is going to talk about Heidi’s performance and the worse she is the more talk there will be,” they explained. Sums up her entire career pretty well, actually. [Video via EW]

It seems some celebs just can’t get enough of the poofy pout. Brittany Murphy, Heidi Montag, Jenna Jameson, and Lisa Rinna’s kissers have been pumped to capacity. Just yesterday, Lindsay Lohan went out on the town in NYC with a suspiciously bloated upper lip. Whether she and countless others have endured lip injections, implants, or claim to have just applied Lip Venom, many already-beautiful stars lust for that Jolie volume. The results are more often fishy than foxy. See what we mean below.