Not Safe For Work

Joe Francis‘ fans—both of them—will be disappointed to find this out, but the Girls Gone Wild entrepeneur is all bark and no bite when it comes to Brody Jenner. Discussing the Hills star (who beat Francis good last August for pulling Jayde Nicole’s hair at a club) outside the Star Magazine party last night, Francis swore “If I see Brody Jenner, he is dead,” repeating his accusation that Jenner “has the smallest penis he’s ever seen.” Apparently, Joe Francis has seen a lot of penis.

In beautiful bit of irony, Francis entered the party to find Brody Jenner at a table full of bromantic companions. “Brody’s boys stood up as soon as they saw Joe,” said a Page Six source. “Lo Bosworth told them all to calm down and not do anything crazy. Brody and his pals walked out giving Francis dirty looks. Francis stood there with his tail between his legs. He looked scared s—less.” Someone bring this up next time Joe starts wiggling his pinky.

[Photo: Getty Images]

There are, of course, two certainties in life: death and taxes. And one if not both, is absolutely coming tomorrow, April 15th! No matter who you are, Uncle Sam will get you! Even A-list celebrities must pay up, although some seem to have thought they were above the law when they attempted a fancy shmancy loophole, but were of course busted. Check out our gallery of celebrity tax evaders! [Photos: Splash News Online]

Ever ignore calls from work, show up five hours late and blame the flu? Of course you haven’t—you’re not an idiot who wants to get fired. Now imagine using that excuse in court. Judge S. James Otero issued arrest warrant for Joe Francis when he failed to show up in court yesterday morning, and the Girls Gone Wild-man blamed the flu when he finally appeared on the steps five hours later. “He’s been as sick as can be,” said Melissa Weinberger, a lawyer who has yet to drop Francis over “strategic differences of opinion.”

Despite Francis’ sniffles, the arrest warrant stood and the porn entrepreneur was dragged away by U.S. Marshals. If found guilty at his tax evasion trial (scheduled for March), the porn merchant could face up to ten years in prison.

[Photo: Getty]

When we last saw Joe Francis, he was making an unwelcome ass out of himself at Sundance. As hard as it is to believe, someone would actually like to see him again. U.S. District Judge S. James Otero issued a warrant for the Girls Gone Wild creator’s arrest today after he failed to show up in court and could not be reached by telephone.

Francis was needed for a hearing to decide whether his lawyers could remove themselves from his tax evasion case, due to “strategic differences of opinion” (maybe they didn’t like the idea of teaming up with Larry Flynt to ask for a government bailout). Francis’ trial, which concerns his decision to make $20-30 million in phony deductions from 2002 to 2003, is scheduled to to begin on March 31st. Hopefully he’ll find a law firm that can stand him by then. Or not. We’re psyched either way.

[Photo: WireImage]

Yes, that is Joe Francis in a woman’s lingerie tank top. The pic above was taken at the Rock Band gift suite at the Sundance Film Festival, where apparently various publicists were begging reporters not to reveal his presence at their clients’ swag suites. Judging from the pic above, he’s not doing much to ensure his comeback anytime soon.

Meanwhile, the always eccentric boozehound Shia LaBeouf left a liquor store in Glendale, California, with a bag on his head and an Arizona Ice Tea in hand. It looks like stardom has literally gone to his head, in a very freaky way.  [Photos: WireImage/Splash News Online]

After years of fighting the government, Larry Flynt and Joe Francis are teaming up to ask Senators for a $5 billion bailout. Porn DVD sales are down 22%, it seems. “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration,” said Francis, who will be tried for evading over $20 million in taxes this March.

“It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America,” said Flynt, who was jailed for six months when he wore an American flag as a diaper to court in 1983. We’re sure the Senate will be happy to assist these patriots. They’re not busy fixing the economy or anything.

[Photos: Getty/WireImage]

Whenever celebrities get sent to the slammer, they are just chock full of complaints! Stars whine about everything from bad food to claustrophobic rooms to blood-stained blankets. Incarcerated celebrities can’t stand to be away from the 5 star necessities like spacious terraces, gourmet cuisine, and cashmere throws to which they are accustomed. But that’s why it’s called prison and not the Beverly Hills Hotel! Check out Scandalist’s Whiniest Celebrity Prisoners… [Photo:Getty]

Aubrey O’Day has unofficially become the patron saint skank of Scandalist (remember these slutty shots?). Last week she was busy dry humping our favorite old kid on the block, Donnie Wahlberg, and today we’ve learned that she’s not-so-subtly moved on with Girls Gone Wild creator and notorious skank-f*cker, Joe Francis. The two were spotted making out at an L.A. party - which can only mean one thing - Aubrey will be rubbing all over somebody entirely new in a  couple of days.  [NYDN. Photos: GettyImages]

Unsurprisingly, owner Joe Francis isn’t the only alleged sexual predator working at Girls Gone Wild. Matthew O’Sullivan (pictured), a crew supervisor for GWW, has been arrested for sexual assault following a wet t-shirt contest at Nubar, a club outside of Smithtown, NY. O’Sullivan is accused of holding a woman by the throat inside the company’s party bus and forcibly removing her clothing while attacking her. Thankfully, a group of her friends entered the bus during the struggle. If found guilty, O’Sullivan may be sentenced to twenty-five years in prison. Francis, meanwhile, is awaiting trial on tax evasion charges. [Newsday]

[Photo: Splash News Online]