It’s not like Liza Minnelli had a great reputation before she walked down the aisle with dough-faced David Gest in March 2002. The Oscar-winning daughter of legend (and legendary mess) Judy Garland spent much of the eighties staring at the walls of rehab facilities, to no avail. Liza’s other addiction — husbands — reached a new low when she married David, a concert promoter turned Minnelli manager, best known for his f*cked-up face (courtesy of Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon) and the rumors swirling around his sexual orientation.
Their wedding was a D-list celebrity clusterf*ck, with Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor serving as the wedding party and the bride allegedly zonked out on pills. During the vows, Gest declared, “You are everything to me and I will love you forever,” before grabbing and kissing her like “a drowning man eating a watermelon” (one guest’s description). The newlyweds dived into a VH1 reality show, but production was halted after just one episode due to Gest being a crazy asshole, canceling shoots and restricting access to Liza. Their 2003 divorce was fuglier than their botched plastic surgeries. David sued his lady love for $10 million, alleging she’d beaten him so badly while drunk that he was hospitalized with nerve damage — and that she’d knowingly given him herpes. What a wedding present! Liza countersued, claiming David was an obsessive cleaner who tried to poison her and stole over $2 million of her cash. The divorce wasn’t settled until 2007.
Gest followed their marital flop with a slew of appearances on UK reality shows, while Minnelli has had a bit more success in the States with appearances on Law & Order and Arrested Development.
