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Valentine’s Day has passed and while we hope all our readers got plenty of smooches from their loved ones, we’re going to ask that you keep any photographic evidence private. Paris Hilton, Speidi, Jon Gosselin, and Snooki of “Jersey Shore” have all been captured mid-makeout and trust us - it’s not cute. Roaming eyes, waving tongues, and off-target chin kisses cannot escape the snap of a lens. Allow these ten repulsive shots of celebrities sucking face to demonstrate the downside of PDA while paparazzi is present. [Photos: Getty Images and Splash News Online]

In 2009, a lot of ordinary people became famous for next-to-nothing, previously A-list stars fell from grace, and quasi-celebs made outlandish statements for publicity. From the Balloon Boy stunt to Glenn Beck’s fear-mongering to Tiger Woods‘ mistresses coming out of the woodwork; some people really tested our patience and wore us thin. Here are the top nine “celebrity” losers we hope go into hiding for 2010.

9. Balloon Boy’s Dad: Think little Falcon Henne had any idea about his fame-guzzlin’ father’s publicity plot while he was chillin’ in a box in their attic? We doubt it, and the little guy’s televised bodily functions pretty well summed up how we felt about the whole stunt after we wasted hours of our lives watching an empty weather balloon float above Colorado.

8. Carrie Prejean: The dethroned Miss USA contestant first ignited a media firestorm with her statement against marriage equality during the Miss USA pageant. Her controversial proclamation was just the tip of the iceberg, as a flurry of nude photos and sex tapes followed over the next several months, as well as an exceptionally awkward appearance on “Larry King Live.”

Seven more losers after the jump.

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We really shouldn’t be surprised at anything that comes out of Heidi Montag’s mouth - after all, she thinks Spencer Pratt is a hot, marriageable catch. But what is news to us, is that her Playboy spread was in fact part of Heidi’s own self-mythologizing plans.

“I wasn’t nervous [about the shoot] because I’d got my body and mind into shape for it. My aim is to become an iconic sex symbol, and the Playboy shoot is the first step,” she told Closer magazine.

Sorry - our mistake, Heidi. We didn’t know you were joining the hallowed ranks of Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot! Thanks for letting us know. We only anticipate (with horrified head-in-hands mode) what your next “iconic” step will be. And we can’t remember any of these legendary ladies promising to get “triple X” boobs for their husbands. Or pole dancing for the cameras. [Photo: WireImage]

Spencer Pratt may be getting less attractive by the minute, threatening to divorce new wife Heidi Pratt and cooking up schemes to legally change his name to “King Spencer Pratt,” but his sister Stephanie Pratt clearly got the hottie genes in the family, which she showed off while prancing around on the beach in Malibu while filming scenes for The Hills. Hills co-stars Kristin Cavallari and Lo Bosworth also got in on the beach action, splish-splashing in the Pacific Ocean and kayaking. [Photos: Splash News Online]

Spencer Pratt really, really does not want a baby. In fact, Spencer is so against wife Heidi Pratt’s wishes to procreate that he is even threatening to divorce his wife of four months if she gets pregnant.

“He said, ‘That’s the quickest way to divorce. I said, ‘No sucker-you’ll be locked in. What do you mean?’” Heidi says.

“I’m a baby. I’m not prepared,” says Spencer. “And I’m not sure the world wants a Spencer Pratt spawn.” Well, he’s probably right about that one.

Spencer claims Heidi doesn’t know what she’s saying when she talks about getting knocked up and says his wife is talking about having a baby with the same attitude as  “going to buy a new pair of Louis Vuittons.”

“If she get’s pregnant,” Spencer says,”I told her there’s a divorce or adoption. If she’s not down with the adoption, I think it’s divorce.” [Source: Us magazine; Photo: Getty Images]

As if they weren’t already crazy enough, Speidi now apparently thinks they are channeling the spirit of the late Michael Jackson. WTF? In a new interview, Spencer Pratt tells MTV’s The After Show that wife Heidi Pratt is the “new, modern day, 2010 Michael Jackson. Like Michael Jackson’s in heaven. The holy spirit now has Michael Jackson juice, so boom! For all we know, Heidi gets possessed with Michael Jackson’s divine spirit.” Watch the video and see for yourself. Yes, he really said that.

America’s Least Favorite Couple took their show on the road to the Bahamas this week because Heidi Montag is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe 2009 Pageant, and wherever Heidi goes, Spencer Pratt follows. Montag is scheduled to “sing” at the pageant this Sunday night but word on the street is that she and Spencer are -  surprise, surprise - pulling some serious diva attitude.

A pageant insider told Page Six, “They’re a complete nightmare. Heidi has missed many rehearsals,” and Spencer “tried to demand that the hotel pay him to lay by the pool.”

We might actually tune in to see this spectacle - if Heidi’s impromptu singing on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” was any indicator, this performance might be the funniest thing we’ve seen all summer. [Photo:FilmMagic]

Reality couple Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt talked to the September issue of Playboy and dished about their hot and heavy sex life and today we bring you the sexalicious photos of Heidi from inside her Playboy issue, and her custom-made body does look super hot. In addition to discussing the 20-30 orgasms a day Spencer gives her, Speidi also talked about doing it in a plane, the truth about Lauren Conrad’s sex tape, and her future plans for plastic surgery.

Spencer On Lauren Conrad’s Sex Tape: “Yes, I facilitated the rumor, but it was true. Lauren was acting like she was little miss perfect goody two-shoes while [her boyfriend] Jason Wahler was trying to shop the tape. That tape exists!”

Speidi On The Interesting Places They Do It: Heidi: “”…it makes me happy to see you happy. Like when we do it in the car.” Spencer: “Or on the plane on New Year’s Eve. How about that? When I initiated you into the mile high club? Holy sh*t!” Heidi: That was maybe the best experience I’ve ever had in my entire life. First flying to New York on a private jet and then getting to fulfill the fantasy of all fantasies. The hardest part was, like, keeping quiet so the pilots wouldn’t come back. Honestly, I feel as if I’m just beginning to know my body with you. You’re waking me up to what’s possible, and it makes me want to try every new thing, doing it all kinds of ways - indoors, outdoors, upside down. I feel sorry for couples who aren’t as sexually satisfied as we are.”

Heidi On Her Future Plastic Surgery Plans: “I’m definitely not done with my surgical quest. I think I want to go bigger on my boobs for you. Spencer: “Awesome. How big?” Heidi: “Triple X.” [Photo: Courtesy of Playboy]

In between fist bumps, kisses, and Spencer Pratt checking his four cell phones, the reality show couple everyone loves to hate dished to the September issue of  Playboy, where Heidi Montag appears on the cover, on their steamy sex life, nemesis Lauren Conrad, and plastic surgery.

Heidi To Spencer On Their Sex Life: “I knew what sex was, but when I met you I entered into a whole new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love. Or to experience a day with 20 to 30 orgasms. Before you, sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute of every day.

Spencer On Watching Heidi Shoot For Playboy: “Oh, it was f%&king torture! I got the biggest case of blueballs in history. I wanted to shut down production after every outfit change so I could enjoy you all to myself. I suggest they bring something like that to Guantanamo Bay, actually. Who needs waterboarding when you can have Heidi Montag posing in these outfits in front of you, in front of the ocean, and not be able to make a move on her? I’m not kidding. It was torture.”

Spencer on Heidi suggesting she enlarge her breasts more: “Don’t do it for me, Heidi. I think you have the best custom made breasts in the world right now. I don’t need you to make any changes. I’m already driving a Bugatti every day.”

Heidi On Lauren Conrad: “The millions of people waiting for season six of The Hills love us. And it’s not about Lauren Conrad, because she’s not even on the show this season. Which is fine with me.”

Check back tomorrow for photos from inside Heidi’s Playboy issue and what the truth was behind Lauren Conrad’s sex tape - and Heidi’s future plastic surgery plans. [Photo: Courtesy of Playboy]

We have to hand it to good old gun-lovin’ cowboy Bill Montag, even he can’t be bothered to care about daughter Heidi’s exploits. While the rest of the world seems to be unable to avoid all things Heidi and Spencer, Mr. Montag has remained blissfully unaware of his daughter’s latest media ploy - her spread in Playboy.

Though we’ve been hearing about the photos for what seems like years now and the Pratts even showed up to the G.I. Joe premiere in L.A. with copies of the magazine to shove in everyone’s faces, Heidi explained that, “I’m a big Christian girl. I kinda wanted to keep those values a little bit. I haven’t told my dad yet. I might not tell him.” On the other hand, Heidi’s mom was all for it. “My mom was so excited she was just, like, pose! God gave you that body, you show off that cute little thing.”

So funny that Heidi calls her plastic surgeon “God,” right? [Photo: GettyImages]